Bob Marley Tribute Garden

I start this blog as I mean to continue. That is to say, with keen observation, razor sharp wit and relentless probing of the pea soup and pork pies we perceive to be our universe.  In plain English, that’s stumbling around in the dark.

But seriously for a moment, I have a world exclusive, ish, announcement to make. After a year in which I became known as The Quilted Velvet Gardener and according to some naive,  poorly informed or perhaps just misguided critics,  sold my soul to the corporate Satan,  I am now designing an urban garden at Chelsea for Easigrass.  This is an interesting and potentially controversial project, the nature of which has not been seen at a flower show before.

The Easigrass Company does exactly what the name implies. They make grass easy.  Everything you need for perfect grass;  all the lights,  heating,  compost,  pots and seed you need in one easy to assemble kit,  delivered free to rented properties across the UK. 

NO NO NO only joking.  Just spliffing around;  is that a proper word? 

What they really do is artificial lawns,  amazingly realistic and very low maintenance.  You can throw your mower in the canal,  secure in the knowledge that you will never need it again.  Nor will you need the weed killer,  moss killer, sprinkler,  scarifier,  top dressing etc. etc. etc.  So it’s good for your eco conscience,  meaning you will sleep better and find yourself  less grumpy and easier to live with,  improving your relationships at home and work.  Thus you will be healthier, wealthier, wiser and happier…thanks to Easigrass.

Wow, that’s enough for now,  before those people who think the world runs on warm thoughts and hot air start questioning my artistic integrity…again!

PS.  If you think this is an incoherent, irrational, irrelevant, rambling rant, congratulations,  you are in the majority.

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